Me. At least after what I've been through.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
