We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
