I want to stick my p in your. b.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
