he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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