we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
