So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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