I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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