I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
