I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
