HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
