Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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