What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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