shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
