I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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