for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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