There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
