What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
