So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
