I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
