I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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