Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
