I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
