Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
