You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
