'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
