how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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