he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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