dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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