I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
