I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
