During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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