I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
