used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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