I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
