I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
