headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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