PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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