Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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