gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
