Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
