i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
