The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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