His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
