So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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