If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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