I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
