I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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