I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's Friday. Sex?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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