I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
