Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
