Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize