Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
