Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
