My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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