Fine. I'll sleep in my office
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
