how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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