threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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