nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
