Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if i died would you start the facebook group?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
