I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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