Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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