if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
