So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
