Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry about my life...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
