I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize