nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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